Humor is powerful. It can connect us, help us cope, and even take down our stress.
Distinguishing teasing from sarcasm
One of the best moments in family life happen when everyone is laughing together over something silly or unexpected. Therapist Ginger Healy said there is an important difference between teasing and sarcasm.
Healy said laughter directly impacts our nervous system, and this impacts families.
The emotional impact of sarcasm
Sarcasm stems from the Greek root word that comes from rip or tear flesh. In some languages, sarcasm means to pierce or stab emotionally. Healy said that crossing the line with sarcasm in family depends on the situation, the person and even the time of day.
“Kids have to learn to be resilient and to overcome hurt feelings,” Healy said.
Healy said it is important to teach kids how to be funny and kind at the same time.
She also talked about sibling teasing, and what lines should be drawn.
Four questions for balanced humor
There are four questions parents can ask themselves when trying to strike the right balance. They are:
Is this moment or joke bringing us closer or pushing us apart?
Healy said to remember to ask yourself if everyone is enjoying and feeling the joke. She mentioned to make sure everyone is involved and feelings are mutual.
Are we laughing with someone or at someone?
Healy said sometimes we can laugh at ourselves, but ask if everyone is enjoying the joke. Make sure no one feels like the reasoning behind the joke with their feelings hurt.
Does everyone feel emotionally safe inside this joke?
“Sometimes if it's at someone else's expense, it can be really harmful,” Healy said.
Can my child say “stop” and know it will be respected?
Healy said to ensure that when your child states, “I need you to stop,” it will be honored.
“That is a big deal, and that's unifying and trust building and connection building versus them on the outside and being hurt.” Healy said.
Promoting healthy family playfulness
Healy shared some thoughtful tools family can have to bring healthy humor in families.
“Playfulness belongs in families,” Healy said.
She mentioned that we need laughter to help during the hard times. Healy learned this from a friend when the friend had a son that got a bad grade. Instead of the siblings making fun of the sibling with a bad grade, the family through a “worst grade ever” party.
Healy said this party symbolized that there can be a do-over, this was not the end of the world, and the child was more than the bad grade.
“In the big scheme of things, laughter just lightens the mood,” Healy said.
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For more tips, you can find Ginger Healy at gingerhealy.com
