SALT LAKE CITY — Some call it passion, some call it drive. We all know what that inner zip feels like, and too many people are living without it.
The impact of distraction
Dr. Matt Townsend said one of the biggest reasons people feel empty is distraction. Technology in particular pulls our focus away from our own personal reflection.
“We have all these things vying for our attention,” he said. “They want our attention … off of your life and off of you.”
Over time, that constant noise creates distance between who we are and how we actually feel. He explained that there’s also a deeper issue at play.
“We don’t like looking deep at ourselves,” he noted.
Avoiding that inner work lets problems linger even when we already sense what’s wrong. In his work with individuals and couples, Dr. Townsend said most people already know what’s holding them back.
“ Sometimes it's just they need a light shined on it,” he explained. “It’s the elephant in the room.”
Understanding the psychological shadow
He explained a psychological idea from Carl Jung about the “shadow.” The part of ourselves that is driven by fear and avoidance.
“Shadows are kind of our … fearful, scared self,” he said.
That shadow often keeps people stuck. But finding the opposite can help you move forward.
“The opposite … would kind of be your heart, your passion, your purpose,” Dr. Townsend said.
When you see how fear is influencing your choices, you can begin to move toward what actually matters to you. He said asking questions is more powerful than advice in these situations.
“ I can talk to them 'til they're blue in the face,” Dr. Townsend said. “But you ask a question in a really attentive moment, and then you just sit and wait for the answer, and they start to open up the onion. They start to uncover the problem.”
The power of self-inquiry
Dr. Townsend shared the four questions that will help fill you back up.
Question one: Checking alignment
When was the last time you felt like you were living the right life?
The first question Dr. Townsend said to ask yourself focuses on alignment. It’s not about whether life looks good on paper, it’s about whether it feels right to you internally.
“If you're not doing the right thing according to your value system … it starts to pull you down,” he explained.
He said to look to the past and identify moments when you felt energized and fulfilled. Those experiences can point you back toward what truly matters.
“Where in your life did you really thrive?” he said.
Question two: Overcoming fear
What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?
Fear is one of the biggest barriers to fulfillment, and this question helps break through it. By removing the fear of failure, this question shows you what you genuinely want.
“Would you write that book? Would you take that dance class?” he asked.
The goal isn’t to overhaul your life overnight. Starting small creates movement, and movement rebuilds confidence.
“Just go find one small act,” Dr. Townsend emphasized.
Question three: Listening to intuition
What is your heart trying to teach you?
Dr. Townsend said people often ignore their own inner voice, even when it’s trying to guide them. This question shifts your attention inward, encouraging you to reflect on emotions, instincts and values. Instead of focusing only on external expectations, it gives you a deeper understanding of what feels meaningful and true to you.
When was the last time you were fully honest with yourself?
The final question is about self‑honesty, something Dr. Townsend said many people avoid.
“Don’t spiral,” he emphasized. “ Just sit honestly. ‘I'm doing a great job this way … And honestly, I need to do better over here.”
From there, take small steps to change and you'll find the real you.
“ Then amazingly, you'll have energy. You'll have life. Everything won't be so heavy,” Dr. Townsend said.
Find more advice from Dr. Matt Townsend at matttownsend.com.
This story was adapted from a TV broadcast script using artificial intelligence. Every story, including those adapted with AI, is reviewed by a human editor before publication to ensure that KSL's editorial standards are upheld.
